What other people think

When it comes to pregnancy, birth and babies, I don't tend to give what other people think too much thought, unless those other people are my chosen care providers or husband.

Since being back at school though, a LOT of people have been sharing their opinions with me.   Once again, as before, people can't believe we're not finding out if you're a boy or a girl. The looks of disbelief, based, I suppose purely on the thought, "but you CAN know, so why would you choose not to," look almost the same on all faces. So I have been doing my best to give people the one little thing I can, which is to say, "I think it's a girl, but we'll see!" 100% of the people who have mentioned the possible sex of this baby to me, have said they think it's a girl.  100%. 

This is exactly what happened in Angola when I was pregnant with BSB.  We didn't know with her either, but everyone, especially local staff, all said she would be a girl. And there she was!  A girl! 

So, it's kind of exciting to be hearing the same thing here and now in Laos.  Of course, it's funny because one person says, "Oh, I think it's a girl because of how you're carrying."  Another says, "Oh, I can tell by your face."  At some point, without fail, someone says something to directly contradict what someone else said, as the reason to how we can know it's a girl.  But, nonetheless, everyone says it's a girl.  

The second thing that people have been sharing their opinion on, is my weight.  Yes, the belly is getting big.  Even I am starting to feel it- by the end of the day I'm tired, and just want to sit down and put my feet up.  The belly is feeling increasingly heavy. But, all that said, my weight has basically gone down by about 5lbs since the beginning of pregnancy, and has stayed steady there ever since.  So people keep telling me it looks like my arms and face and overall self is thinner- minus of course, the jutting belly. And it's true.  Still doesn't mean that people should be commenting on it.  It's not really anyone's business.  And although in my case, it's just how it is, what if I was losing weight/not gaining weight for some terrible reason?  Would people still feel good "complimenting" me on it, if they knew it was happening at the cost of the baby?  I hope not.  Just another reminder, that, it's not ever really the right thing to do to comment on someone else's body weight- not even during pregnancy.  A simple, "Wow, you look great!  Pregnancy suits you!" is easy to say and conveys the message.  

The anatomy scan

Baby Magic, the good news is that you are whole and healthy, active and alert.  You're hanging out in the womb head up these days- much as your brothers and sister did until late in pregnancy.  Although the Thai doctor was quick to label you "breech" I'm informed enough to know that this is NOT something we need to worry about until much later, when you're much bigger. And hopefully, like BBZ and BBV, you will turn on your own.

We got some pictures of you from the scan, but, they aren't much to look at.  I mean... you have a nice round, whole head, we can see you have 4 working chambers in your heart, we saw your spine, and your legs.  It's all there.  But it's not the perfect little silhouette of a baby that we'd like to have.  *sigh*. That's ok though.

We made it through the scan without seeing your between the legs parts, and now its out of our hands, as no more scans are planned. Ha ha ha!  I know that makes some people so frustrated, but, we just love the surprise.  You already are who you are, but, we won't find out if we have a sister or a brother until you're here.  We are all still pretty confident you're a girl though.

The new school year is about to start, and I've been at work a few days already helping to prepare the classroom.  There was a lot to do. A few long days have really worn me out!  Whew!  It isn't going to be super easy working with 3 and 4 years olds while carrying you around- last time I worked pregnant (and until 38 weeks at that), I was subbing, and mostly in older grades.  But, I am super passionate about work these days, so that will make the days go by with more ease than otherwise.  Anyway, it's good to keep moving.

The other good news is that with the return of the school year, I'll also get back to my exercise as my trainers come back to town after their summer holidays. I hope to do two sessions of Pilates a week, and one session of weight lifting.  I wish I could AFFORD to do more, but, it is what it is, and that's ok. Also, 3 days a week will probably have me pretty worn out anyway.

I'm right in the middle of doing my blood sugar tests right now... so far, I've tested for 2 mornings, at waking, and then 2 hours after eating, and my numbers are PERFECT.  I'm really glad of this, because about 2 weeks ago I went to the doctor because of how tired I was all the time, and that day my numbers were REALLY high.  It must have been the sugary cereal I had for breakfast that day, because, I'm not seeing anything like it now.  Phew.  Just trying to keep you and me healthy, little person.  Doing my best.

The half way point

I have always been good at taking pictures of my pregnancies... until now.  This pregnancy, I am not doing it at all.  Sorry, Magic.  We'll have to remember other things about the time you spent in my belly, things besides how you grew.  BUT, I realized the day I was 20 weeks that I was 20 weeks, and so I snapped a couple pics that day.

If there is one thing I can say again and again and again, it's that I love my pregnant body.  I love the way I carry pregnancy.  I love how easily I grow babies.  I love how my body looks pregnant.

We have our anatomy scan on Saturday.  Maybe we'll get a few good pictures of YOU to share.  I promise to post them if we do. 

The decrease in meds

Ah, Magic.  I've had to do the thing for you.  I've decreased my daily dose of meds.  It's been a couple weeks now on the lower dose, and I am noticing some changes.  A bit less patience.  Far more ease staying in bed, falling back asleep, ignoring what's going on around me. Wanting to disconnect.

It's not great. But, it's what's best for us both.  Staying on a minimum effective dose is vital for me, and being on the lowest possible dose is what's best for you.

I dare say my friends have noticed a change in me.  Maybe even your dad.  Who knows, maybe even your siblings.  BBV has been extra clingy lately.  Maybe that's why.

Living with a body/brain that doesn't produce enough of certain chemicals to keep me feeling my best is tough.  I'd like to go off meds completely, and maybe some day I'll try. But, the last time I tried to go off was not pretty and not worth it.  The difference the meds make is super clear to me.  And just like I give my body other things it needs to function well, I will keep giving it these chemicals.  It's better for all of us.

But, I also want to do what's best for you, and that means a lower dose right now.  When you start solids, I'll probably be able to go back up to a higher dose.

Parents aren't perfect, and we have to make decisions weighing the pros and the cons. We have to do things that aren't easy, and we worry constantly about how it will impact you. I do hope that you won't have any long term side effects from my having taken medications while pregnant, but, if you do, I hope that you can forgive and understand that it was a choice I made, a compromise for the both of us.

I am soooooo sleepy!

Oh sweet Magic. You make me so tired. So very, very tired.

Thank goodness it's summer break and naps have time in my daily schedule.  Thank goodness my schedule next school year is half days all week- so hopefully I'll have enough time to rest as well.

I guess I'm not getting any younger, pregnancy doesn't get any easier on the body, and I now have 3 kids, a husband, a dog and a cat to deal with on top of everything else.

Your big brother V is potty training right now.  He's actually doing really well. The only accident we've had recently is at night.  That might be part of my problem.  He's sleeping pretty well, but, I have to get up with him once or twice a night to either comfort him or move him because he's wet the bed.  It'll all be worth it in the end, because an independent potty kid is a good thing... but, it takes some effort just now.

I think I am finally feeling you move more often.  It's still nothing like how I could feel the other kids by this point, but, it simply must be that your placenta is in the front instead of the back.  It's the only thing that makes sense.  But, small movements have been coming through often enough that I think this is the only explanation.  I do still get nervous- I can't help it.  I'm looking forward to the end of the month when we get to have your anatomy scan and see if you have all your right parts.

Magic, I'm so tired I can't think what else to write. You will be the baby of this family, which means you will be forever loved on... but it will all look different than it did to your siblings.  BSB's first couple of years are documented in detail through pictures and probably blog posts.  Yours likely won't be because there just won't be the same time... but, you'll have 3 older siblings looking out for you.  And you'll have the baby position in the family, which ok, maybe can be a blessing and a curse, but I think mostly, it means you'll always feel the love.

 

Well this is new... and not great

This is certainly a symptom I have never experienced before.  Lately, I keep trying to breathe saliva.  Clearly, I am not doing it on purpose.  I noticed the first couple of times it happened it was at night.  I would wake up with that awful feeling of having liquid go down the wind pipe.  Terrible.  Then I would lay there in bed trying to clear the air way and catch my breath.
Then, it started happening during the day!  While I was eating! My biggest craving this pregnancy has been very, very, juicy, watery fruit.  The other day I was eating a bunch of lychees when much of the juice of the fruit headed the wrong way, and I found myself gasping for air.  Our wonderful nanny was in the kitchen with me and got quite worried.  I was fine eventually, but geez!
I asked some friends about this symptom and no one else has ever heard of it.  The internet said something about excess saliva while nauseous- but I haven't felt sick in weeks! *sigh* Babies like to keep us on our toes- before they've ever arrived!
So... mangosteen, rambutan, lychees, mango, dragon fruit.... I've been eating all of these in large quantities.  A couple months ago it was apples. There was a short stint of a Dr Pepper craze.  The worst day I think I drank 3 in one day.  Yikes!  Then I went out and bought a bunch of cans, and managed to have just one per day.  It's about the carbonation, but it's also just the taste of Dr Pepper.  I had one of Daddy J's Cokes with dinner tonight and it was no where near as satisfying.  *sigh*
I'm still as convinced as ever that you are a girl, little Magic.  I always stand to be corrected, but, I can hardly imagine it any other way.
In other big news, our tickets have been purchased for passage to Australia.  BBV and I will depart Laos on October 20 to arrive in Melbourne on the 21st.  Daddy J, BSB and BBZ will arrive on Dec 2.  BBV and I will be living with Oma and Opa in Melbourne.  And in very exciting news, they have agreed to a home birth!  This is fabulous for our family, as it really suits myself as a laboring woman, and it means that all your siblings will be able to be present at your arrival. I have already contacted 3 different midwives, and all 3 have said that they could take me on as a client. So, now I have to choose the best fit.  Not sure if I will be able to do that before we get there, but I will try.
I'm still not sure if I'm really feeling you move- but I am definitely having the ole Braxton Hicks contractions.  Oh yes.  Everything feels a bit different this time- I guess because for one, IT IS, but also, because I've never been this heavy this early in a pregnancy, and it just changes the way I experience the baby bump.  So far, according to my home scales, I've lost weight since you were conceived, which is great- but, well, yeah, it just changes things. It's a different experience every time!
I continue to feel very clearly that you are our last baby.  It doesn't make me sad to think about.  I know I'll still want to cuddle every baby I ever see once you've grown bigger, but, I am also very clear that you are the completion to our family- whoever you are (boy or girl!).

16 weeks and counting!

Baby Magic!  We're almost half way!  It's 4 months now. 

The other day I *thought* I felt you move.  Yay!  That is definitely my most favorite part of pregnancy- feeling the baby kicking around inside.  I can't wait for it to be clear and definite and regular to feel you move!

I had a lovely appointment on Friday with Dr C at the French clinic.  We heard your heartbeat strong and sure.  That is always so nice.  She measured my belly, and it was measuring a couple weeks smaller, but, she also said it might be a little early to do it that way.  Anyway, if you're anything like your siblings, I'm not worrying about you being too small.  So far, I don't have a history of baking small babies (8lb1oz, 9lbs5oz and 9lbs14oz).  That said, if you for some reason happened to be my smallest baby yet, I wouldn't mind.  Big babies grow into bigger babies just that much faster.  What if I gave birth to a 7lber? First off all- how easy would that be to push out?  And also... tiny little baby clothes!  We don't even have that many newborn clothes.  You'd need a new wardrobe.

The time has definitely come for me to start organizing what is going to happen at the end of this pregnancy.  When will we fly to Australia, who will provide our care there, and where will you be born???  All of these questions need answers....sooner rather than later.

Magic I've been watching the show Call the Midwife recently.  As it sounds, it's often full of pregnant ladies, birth and babies.  Oh man does it make me excited!!!!  I can't wait to cuddle you. I mean, I still want to enjoy this pregnancy, but, newborns make me so happy. 

I need to start your baby book.  This is the latest I've ever left it.  Life is busy- and you make me pretty tired, so I fall asleep a lot.  :)  I have it though, thanks to a lovely friend who picked it out in the US and brought it back.  Just need to get on it.

I meant to write this post the other day, and I swear I had a bunch of things to say- but now I can't seem to remember anything.  *sigh*  Baby brain.  Kid brain.  Mom brain.  It's tough.