We won't find out if Magic has a penis or vagina

I know this makes some people crazy, but we're not going to find out the sex of our baby. 

Mainly, the first thing is that we didn't find out when we were expecting BSB or BBZ and it only made the moment of birth that much more special.  Then we did find out with BBV, and Daddy J and I both found it seriously anti-climactic.  Why?  I guess because it made us realize that finding out the baby's sex doesn't actually make you know anything about them. 

Now, neither Daddy J nor I are extreme when it comes to gender stuff.  We will both buy "boy" clothes for a baby with a penis and "girl" clothes for a baby with a vagina.   We'll give a penis-bearing baby a boy name, and a vagina-wielding baby a girl name. 

But we'll also dress the girl baby in Cats gear and the same Curious George t-shirt that all 3 kids have worn.  And we'll encourage the boy baby to dress up in dresses and tutus, just like his big sister, if he's so inclined.  

We're not the people that are going to try to raise a gender-less baby, any more than we'll glue bows to a bald baby girl's head.  

But, beyond all that, here is what experience has taught us. 

We have 3 kids, a girl and 2 boys, but we don't have any kids that particularly like sports (much to Daddy J's dismay).  BBV might be the first kid who looks like he might be into sports a bit more, but at 2.5, it's still a bit early to be able to tell. 

We have 3 kids, a girl and 2 boys, but we have 3 kids who can and do play with Lego for hours and hours and hours. 

We have 3 kids, a girl and 2 boys, and we have 2 kids that are super into any kind of arts and crafts.  And well, the younger one it's just too soon to tell yet, though he did spill an entire pot of fine purple glitter all over his body today. 

Both of our big kids love Star Wars (though, I'd say BSB's passion is stronger), they both love all of Roald Dahl's books, they both watch My Little Ponies, Monster High and stupid YouTube videos as much as the other.  

So far, it does seem like the kids we have identify with the gender they were born.  For that I am glad only because it means one less struggle for them in this life.  But, none of them adhere to what society says "boys" and "girls" do.  And that is fine by us, because we want them to choose their hobbies and passions based on true interest and desire. 

So....if we found out the sex of this baby, it would give us two things- to be able to only come up with half as many names, and to establish a baby wardrobe.  But beyond that, it tells us nothing.  Not whether we'll have a son or daughter, not what they'll like, not what their personality will be like.  None of those things are determined by sex.  And any parent who thinks it does tell them more, is setting up themselves, or the child or both, for great disappointment. 

If finding out the sex of your baby is what you want- more power to you.  We're not decorating a nursery  (this baby will room with us just like the others have). All of our baby gear comes in bold and or neutral shades.  And my baby carriers?  Well, I'll wear them based on MY desires, not the baby's sex. 

So.  That's that.  Baby Magic will simply be magic, until they come earthside and we can get to know them.  And then we'll find out who they are.  

12 weeks!

Here's a milestone!  Today marks 12 weeks.  Whew.

I'm sitting at the doctor as I write this, waiting for an appointment that was scheduled for something completely separate to you...but also knowing that at 12 weeks, it might be possible to hear a heartbeat, and maybe if I'm lucky, that'll happen today. 

I've been waiting for this week to go by, because tomorrow is the scan, and it has gone so so slowly!  Kind of silly to hope for a heartbeat today when the scan with pictures will be tomorrow- but I am just too excited to know that you're in there baby Magic, and doing well.

I have been feeling TOO LUCKY to have ANOTHER healthy, easy pregnancy, but at this point, I'm thinking maybe I have done it again!  I'm so tired all the time- I nap any chance I get, and I often fall asleep putting the kids to bed. 

Once we see you tomorrow, then we start planning stuff...looking for a midwife in Australia, looking into buying plane tickets, etc.  This is going to take some logistical work, but that's ok.  You're worth it. 

10 weeks pregnant

Today marks 10 weeks of pregnancy.  It's an awkward spot in pregnancy- especially the fourth pregnancy.  Why?

For one, it seems that the bad early symptoms (nausea and super, super sore breasts) have passed.  At first thought, this seems like it would be a good thing- but, it means it's very easy to forget you're pregnant.  And when you forget, then there is that little voice that starts whispering terrible thoughts- what if something happened? What if the baby is gone?  At 10 weeks it's too early for a Doppler to hear a heartbeat- maybe not impossible, but it would likely not work, and then you'd be even more convinced that something is wrong!  10 weeks is far too early to feel any movement yet, so that's no help.  The only way to be sure that the baby is ok would be to have another ultrasound, and frankly, that would just be silly. So... we just try not to think about it, and assume that all is well and happening as it should.

At 10 weeks, especially with #4, I'm definitely ready for maternity clothes.  Well, I have been wearing regular waisted trousers to work and they are fine in the morning, but at some point in the day they just start feeling too tight.  It's no surprise to pop earlier with each pregnancy- but, the extra weight I've been carrying since BBV was born doesn't help either. 

Actually, in a way, it is helping, because, my tummy has simply assumed a pregnant shape for the last few years.  It's just how and where I carry it.  It's not unusual for me to be asked if I'm pregnant (because people still don't have manners- it's 2018! Get with it people!), but, I actually haven't had anyone really asking me since I've been pregnant because really, I don't look any differently than I have for the last 2 years.  I reckon it'll actually be fun to come back to school in August looking properly pregnant by then and surprise people who hadn't heard by then.

What else is there about 10 weeks... you feel better which makes you worry, it's too early to  hear or feel anything, it's nearly to the safe zone of the second trimester, when you feel confident going Facebook public, but, you still find yourself holding back just a little, just in case. 

Still very much looking forward to May 26, when we hope to see a tiny little alien Magic.

We told the kids

After the ultrasound where we saw your heartbeat we decided to go ahead and tell the kids.  We did it the next morning while they ate their breakfast.  I told BSB that I sort of had another birthday present for her.  She said, "a hug?"  Nope.  "We're having another baby!" 
"You're pregnant?"
"Yep!"
"OH, I HOPE IT'S A GIRL I HOPE IT'S A GIRL I HOPE IT'S A GIRL!!!!"
Let's just say, it's pretty clear how BSB feels about it.  She went straight to school and started telling people as well.  She is so excited.  She spent that first day hugging me and talking to my belly.  Mostly she just kept saying, "I hope you're a girl!" 

BBZ didn't have much to say.  I think he mumbled something like, "Ok, I guess." 

BBV said, "no!"  I don't think he really understands at all.   Since last week I've been trying to tell him again and again, but, he mostly just smiles and laughs at me.  It's a good thing we've got time for him to get used to the idea as he understands it more.

Since we told the kids, it also meant coming out at school.  We knew that the kids would tell people, and we figured it was probably safe.   So we've shared quietly at school.  We've had a few funny comments, a bunch of, "wows" and a lot of congratulations. 

I keep telling everyone I'm the crazy one.  :) 

Looking forward to May 26 when we'll have the 12 week scan and hopefully get some good pictures.