I didn't honestly think would be happen. I didn't think I'd be able to convince Daddy J that we could do it. I had resigned myself to be ok with three, no matter how much BSB begged for another one, no matter how much I felt like there was just one more meant to be.
A couple months ago my fertility finally returned. Yes, it had been 2 years since BBV was born, but, I'm lucky like that. Daddy J and I had a talk about what we were going to do, now that I was fertile again. Let's just say, that conversation ended with me in tears and going to bed pretty upset. No matter how much I tried to be ok with not having another baby, I just couldn't quite bring myself to it. Daddy J saw how upset I was, and that obviously weighed on him.
A few days later he came to me and explained that he really thought we were done, that we had a full, energetic, busy family, but that he was open to being convinced. So he told me to try to convince him. Well, at first I couldn't really think of any way I could possibly convince him. I felt pretty resigned. But, after a few days, good reasons started popping into my head.
- A friend of his had just recently gotten married, and they were planning on at least trying for a baby and wouldn't it be cool if he and one of his friends actually had a baby at the same time? I'd had that with many of my girlfriends, but he'd not really had it with a buddy.
- BSB would be SO HAPPY. She asks for a baby all the time. She argues that we have to have just ONE more. She does want a sister, but, when I say we might not have any more babies, she gets really upset.
- Surely Daddy J's parents would love another grandchild, and to have one of their children have 4 kids, just like they did.
- I really wanted another one. Duh. ;)
Good enough? Finally, I made him a proposition. I wasn't getting any younger. I'm not getting any younger. I said, if I'm not pregnant by my 38th birthday, I'd give up, and call it quits. I'd let him go get snipped. We'd be DONE. 38 is coming in June of this year, so it gave us just a few months. Now, it had never taken us more than 2 months to get pregnant, but, who knows... I'm older now, he's older now, sometimes it's hard to find the time to well, you know, make a baby. Things happen.
Well, something worked. Something clicked. I knew it would happen. We found time. I hadn't even been tracking my cycles because it just wasn't on my radar yet, so I had no idea where I was in my cycle. But, literally, the moment Daddy J stopped protesting, I knew we would make one more baby. I knew we were inviting a new soul into our lives.
I knew I was pregnant. I hadn't even ovulated yet, but I knew that a baby was in the works. I told my girlfriend a week before I tested, "I'm pregnant with a girl." She stood looking at me aghast. I had to explain that I didn't *actually* know yet, but, that I ***KNEW***.
A week later, I tested, and there was a plus sign as I knew there would be. Hello, baby.
So there you have it. Not only did I know I was pregnant, before I could have known, but, I'm also deeply convinced that it's a girl. Deeply. Because for the last 2+ years since BBV was born, I've know that there was a girl missing from our family. It feels silly to write this, because, hey, I could be wrong. But, it feels like a solid knowing. Just as I know anything else in life, I know this now.
And that, is how this baby earned the in-utero name Magic. This baby started with magic. This baby came riding in on a wave of mystical, magical fairy dust. And so, 9 Months with Mango, becomes 9 Months with Magic. And the name fits.
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